Turning 40

In 5 weeks I will be 40. Its depressing because all my friends have partners or are married. I've been pretty much single, seeing someone for 6-8 weeks and breaking up constitutes being single, for almost 5 years. Being 40 and single feels pathetic to me. I've had my fun and I'm done. I want to live the rest of my life with someone. I'm a realist. I have kidney disease so what if I only have 20-25 years left to live? At least I could share it with someone I love ♥

Having diabetes, neuropathy, and now kidney disease would cause me to worry about being 40. Why you ask? Because my birth father was dead at the age of 44. This was largely in part because he did not take care of his diabetes. He didn't take it seriously. My mom died at 51and she had MS, arteriosclerosis, and was most likely diabetic because of large ulcer sores she would get on her legs & ankles after a cut or insect bite she received.

Now after years of controlled blood sugars and my kidney disease in remission, plus healthy blood and urine tests, I'm confident diabetes won't kill me. The kidney disease will. Its 100% fatal. However, I can prolong death for up to 30 years.

Now I'm just scared of being lonely. The feeling of loneliness is horrible. Just when I think I found Mr. Right, in 2 months he turns in Mr. Wrong. Instead of kissing a frog & turning him into a prince, I'm kissing princes and turning them into frogs!! There's either something wrong with me or them. What the fuck?

I have been blessed with three children who have brought me great joy for almost 21 years. But that's not the same as living my life with a wonderful man. Children grow up and leave home. I want a man who shares hobbies with me and will walk beside me through thick and thin. Someone I can share my dreams with. I don't care about money or the kind of home we live in. I only care about love. Is that too much to ask for?

I can day this about myself. I have high self esteem, almost narcissistic, I believe I'm beautiful on the inside and outside, I feel gorgeous & attractive. I have no problems getting dates. Its just finding the one I'm drawn to, the one I cannot live without and he cannot live without me. I look young for my age and I enjoy the compliments I receive. But when the perfect man come along, faults and all! I have faults, we all do ♥